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(3 Mouthfuls | The taste of ink is getting old?)

[16 May 2008|01:53pm]
so after having a huge cry it all came spilling out on wednesday night and then after a heart to heart we talked it all out. i want everything to be ok, but only time will tell i guess. the most important thing is i'm not giving up on him yet.

(The taste of ink is getting old?)

[14 May 2008|03:49pm]
i hate even thinking this, let alone writing it down but am i wasting my time here? drugs are more important to him than i am, at the end of the day can i cope with that? or should i keep working at it, i really feel like we could actually go somewhere, maybe we just have to accept each others fault and live with it? thats part of loving someone i guess. i wouldn't like it if he told me he didn't like me drinking and i know i can't stop. infact more than ever i feel the need to drink until i can't see, stand or feel...

(6 Mouthfuls | The taste of ink is getting old?)

[07 May 2008|08:38pm]
life is friggin sweet right now.
had the most amazing weekend in lincoln with 2 of my favourite girls ever.
had a new tattoo today, which hurt the most out of all of mine but i love.
and spent the rest of the day hanging out with dafter in southend, enjoying the sunshine and his company. he finally met my parents today. i actually think i'm onto something special here.

(1 Mouthful | The taste of ink is getting old?)

[30 Mar 2008|04:37pm]
so things are better. i feel better about everything after this weekend. friday night started off shockingly bad and then carly went home and i though it was just guna get worse, but i after sharing practically a whole bottle of apple sourz with dafter in the carpark the evening ended up well good. hes lovely and treats me nice and puts up with me when i whine as we walk home. hes my daffodil and hes the reason i feel happier now :)

seeing my rommy girls tonight, off to the bitterest of ends we go!

(1 Mouthful | The taste of ink is getting old?)

[25 Mar 2008|11:37pm]
i feel really down today, well tonight. i can't even explain it really. don't really have anything to be upset about, saw my sarah and lucy tonight which was lovely. we ate and window shopped and looked at all the naughty stuff in the jokeshop and ann summers. need to start seeing them more, this time last year we was so much closer. i hate not seeing certain people enough. i feel so out of it sometimes. i hate sitting in with just my thoughts for company. really wish i'd been paid already. tomorrow night is guna be awful, i can't sit still lately, maybe i'll just come in and go straight to sleep. blot it all out? the rest of the week will be ok, seeing carly thursday if shes well enough and then friday, saturday and sunday too i plan on drinking til i can't see or remember...

(2 Mouthfuls | The taste of ink is getting old?)

[21 Mar 2008|05:42pm]
hes lovely and he likes me...
i'm pretty lucky really, we'll see what happens :)

(The taste of ink is getting old?)

[11 Mar 2008|10:34pm]
my brother called me a diirty slag this morning cause i went to the doctors to get my pill :/ niiiiice, ta for that matt.

(The taste of ink is getting old?)

[07 Mar 2008|10:13pm]
this weeks been one of those weeks. things havn't gone to plan and i'm left feeling unlucky as fuck. whyyyy can't things go my way for once!?
the things that are most annoying me are the fact my dog attacked my arm and there a gash outta my tattoo :( you can't really notice it until i point it out and its obviously not healed up yet but i know its there and its annoying me.
and secondly, i'm spending money like its outta fashion. its a week after payday and i already know i need to watch my pennies. oh fuck it, you only live once right. i feel like i need to mix my drinks and get seriously fucked up tomorrow.
turnmills baby, hope my throat feels better by tomorrow night, hurts like hell right now.

(3 Mouthfuls | The taste of ink is getting old?)

[04 Mar 2008|11:03am]
i found a huge pile of old photographs last night, amazing how a photo can trigger a memory and make you feel things you havn't felt in so long. texted ben and tld him i had some classics of him i wanted to scan in and post on the internet to be told he probably had worse ones of me. ha don't wana start a war so i think they'll just stay in my room til hes back from uni and then i can show him.
i'm a firm believer that if someones meant to be in your life, that they will be. they'll just keep reappearing, and some people pop up in a number of photos and others just don't. they're obviously not meant to be here.
i stayed up til past 1 last night. had a sudden burst of energy and needed to organise some of my pics. chloe bought me an album for xmas last year and put some show ya bones piccies in so i thought i'd carry that theme on and fill it with photos of the crew. man we've had some mental times, it made me smile but also sad cause we're just not the same people anymore. i'll always remember those girls saved me when i needed saving the most. i hope they'll be some of the people that reappear when i need them even if they're not always around.
i got abit creative with the album, scribbling lyrics and stuff all over the inside covers, some of its silly, some of it means a hell of a lot, but its all special...
whenever i hear these songs i'll always think of my girls, team amazing!
"best friends means..." taking back sunday.
"i want you to know that i miss you, i miss you so" finch.
"your my ticket outta loserville" son of dork (hahaha remember when we saw the hott one in the bar at gian and he had facial hair and wasn't so hott)
"and i'll take your hand and pick you up, and keep you there so you can see, as long as your alive and care, i promise i will take you there" the used.
"you make me wana la la" ashlee simpson.
"bye bye beautiful, don't bother to write" coheed.
"raise your fingers for one last salute" f4af.
"i'd still pick my friends over you!" nfg.
"baby is this love for real?" head automatica.
"can't go down by myself but i'll go down with my friends" my chem.
"your just another star" bullet.
"THIS IS A VIOLAAAAAAATION!!" (you have to yell that one) alexis.
"swear to shake it up if you swear to listen" panic.
"whose sleeping on my side of the bed tonight?" atreyu.
"in every circle of friends theres a whore..." hahaha. cute is what we aim for.

(4 Mouthfuls | The taste of ink is getting old?)

[02 Mar 2008|07:02pm]
my heads kind of a mess.
i don't know whether i'm coming or going lately.
todays been such a wasted day.
is it wrong to wish it was next weekend already? that would be a wasted week right?
actually this week won't be too bad...
going to visit jayjay and bubba on my day off tuesday.
meeting bev for a costa on wednesday.
sleepover night at sarahs on friday with her, lucy and kylee.
my friends are guna get me through.

i have a new tattoo, its starting to itch...

(The taste of ink is getting old?)

[27 Feb 2008|08:21pm]
i'd really like YOU to text me...

(The taste of ink is getting old?)

[25 Feb 2008|10:13pm]
talk about mixed messages... my heads so messed up.
roll on friday i need to get trashed!

(The taste of ink is getting old?)

[23 Feb 2008|07:04pm]
"i like the way your face was put together"
how are you meant to respnd to that?

(The taste of ink is getting old?)

[21 Feb 2008|09:54pm]
today has been very very up and down, been so aggrevated. by silly little stuff. and then the next minute i'm hyper screeching and smiling as usual. can you say bipolar?! danni pretty much got her head bitten off as soon as she opened the back door to me this morning, but bless her she made it her mission to cheer me up. we pretty much planned our summer of fun today, i just hope to god it actually happens, i really need this summer to be better than the last and thats guna be hard to top. i don't want to be disappointed.
i hate being disappointed.
i hate being spoken to like i'm a child.
i hate that i should be at opium tonight and i'm too broke to go.
i hate when people blow there cigerette smoke near my face.
i hate that i'm guna be 23 this year...

i like that ashley and johnny came to see me tonight though, and that ash hit him with a marshmellow lollipop and broke the stick. anddddd that jo gave me it to take home haha. simple things eh?!

(The taste of ink is getting old?)

[20 Feb 2008|08:00pm]
i think people have got there wires crossed, its clearly not about me, shes pretty much me but just not ha. the "you havn't had me but keep trying" should have made us realise. blaaaaaah.

in other news stuart bought me a HUGE marshmellow lollipop today, cause i bugged him and bugged him, as did danni til he gave in!! its amazing and i need to take photos of it :)

(The taste of ink is getting old?)

[19 Feb 2008|08:37pm]
i don't know what to think. been told something by more than one person but it doesn't seem to actually be true...

gossip i guess.

(5 Mouthfuls | The taste of ink is getting old?)

[17 Feb 2008|06:07pm]
isn't it so odd when you realise how much your life has changed in such a short space of time. well is 8months a long time or a short time...
i havn't posted on here since last bloody july and it seems my lifes been abit of a rollarcoaster ride since then. i mean that was before zante round 2 and reading festival, before daddy was in hospital, before i hacked off all my hair, before we got bex, before me and gary broke up, before being given tablets for the depression, before the best night of the year- halloween at edge, before being told i'd changed for the better and have a glow now, before knowing carly, before epic xmas, before knowing what gary had done before we broke up, before cassie screwed danni over and changed all our friendships, before living for the weekend...

you get the picture anyways. lifes different.
i'm abit of a mess if i'm honest. pushing myself, burning the candle at both ends. living for the weekends and wasting all my money on having a good time. by the end of the month i have nothing to show for all my slaving away, just more dresses and empty wine bottles and a whole lot of photos. its like i'm a mission to self distruct and i can't stop and i won't stop cause this is me. i have the rest of my life to grow up and be normal, nows the time for laughing/crying/drinking/dancing/partying right?!
i could go on for a while but i think i'll stop for now...

(The taste of ink is getting old?)

[27 Jul 2007|05:08pm]
my world has actually fallen apart.
my job is shit.
(most) of my friends are shit and even when i try and organise stuff i get nothing back!
and my realtionship is falling apart completely. things between us feel so different, hes keeping things from me....

(The taste of ink is getting old?)

[14 May 2007|07:17pm]
i go away to majorca tomorrow, and i'm excited but not at the same time. i feel blue. i miss people. i loved that i got to see lucy and sarah this weekend but the rest of you are missed i tell ya! especially chloe, i'm missing having my sister around and its definately not cool with me.

surfer when i get back, its lame but a chance for all of us to get together :)

and i know no-one probably cares but my myspace top friends changes alot, doesn't change a thing cause i still love you. you know who you are! (i think)

see you in a week my lovelies xxx

(The taste of ink is getting old?)

[05 Apr 2007|11:11am]
last week ended quite terrifically (is that even a word) made me very happy it did. i went out friday with danni, we went opium and got stupidly fucked. ended up on a podium screaming SAVE THE RAAAAAAVE haha, i blame the wine of course. i came home with bunny ears and wrecked shoes but i loved it cause me and danni seem ok now :).
saturday after work i went to bootys party with laura, ash and char. fucking love them girls, they all rock. stayed sober and ended up having such an amazing time with kate, dancing like a prick and taking ten thousand photos!
and sunday was london and fall out boy. oh my god, best fucking day ever ever. me and danni went shopping in oxford street and camden. bought cheap vodka, made our way to brixton, met up with hayley page and her friend tasha and got trashed. the gig was amazing, we danced and took loads of photos and took the piss outta the crap support bands. we went in the pit for FOB and me and hayley went a tad mental haha. amazing night it really was.
this week has been all about work :( all the managers are stressing out and its making me grumpy!!

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